Bad Boys
by Terri Ceep
Summary: "Bad boys, bad boys. Whatcha gunner do, whatcha gunner do when they come for you! Da...Ahh, is ma'..." "Learn the words, at least, you idiot." "...You don't know the words either, teme!"
1. Where's the Bacon

**Author's Notes:** Love Naruto, love Bad Boys, so why not combine the two? The plot won't be followed down to every last crack, and the character layout won't be, either, but I hope to keep an equal balance between putting my own thing to it and keeping to the original plot. I'm also looking for a beta; someone else's view on my shit will help me quite the bit. PM if interested.

11/12/12 Okay, so this is this re-written version. I'm a lot happier with it, but I still feel it could be better. But, then...I'm like that with everything I write. Still beta hunting!

**Warnings:** This is not yaoi; yes, I love me some NaruSasu, but I'm not forcing it into everything I write; I respect and think too much of it to do such a cheap thing. Slow updates. Serious overuse of swearing.

**Disclaimer:** I own neither. But, oh, how I wish I could sink my teeth into some of those delicious characters...

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><p>Bad Boys: Chapter 1<p>

**South Miami, 02:00**

Timing was key. And right now, it was perfect.

As always on Sunday nights, come two am, the streets were quiet, rid of people going about doing their daily business; deciding to spend their few remaining free hours asleep, depressed at the thought of the hell that is Monday mornings.

"What do you think, guys? Looks like the real thing, huh?"

Hearing the voice, he turned, attention moving to the man dubbed 'Tobi'. With a promise of ten percent the man had taken care of their cover during the operation, and was prepared to act as their decoy.

"Very much, Tobi-kun," he smiled.

Too bad Tobi wouldn't be getting his percentage.

Gesturing at his followers to open the doors of the ambulance, he raised and shot his pistol, watching dispassionately as the man fell from the vehicle to the road beneath, body rolling and blood pouring.

_Replaceable _was his only thought.

Hearing the report of the man's shooting to the police from his favourite, white-heard follower had him grinning.

_Oh, yes…everything is perfect._

- x -

**South Miami, same morning, 08:30**

Yes, Naruto concluded. Having Sasuke burn hell down on him would definitely be worth it; he was starving—hadn't eaten in all of two hours—and the blonde was well determined not to suffer for it just because a certain bastard and his OCD issues; what would the other do? Leave him on the curb? Wouldn't be the first time…

Naruto chuckled to himself, paid for his perfect load of food—cheese-filled burger, salt-coated fries, strawberry cream-shake (because honestly, it was more like mushed ice cream), and ginned his thanks to the woman over the counter—who he couldn't help but note was flashing a little too much cleavage at him. Not that he was complaining, mind; little cleavage never hurt no-one…or a lot, as his grandfather would say.

_The old man would've been proud._

Leaving the store, Naruto and his chips took their seat beside Sasuke in his overly pimped car, or as Naruto would put it; 'compensation'. Said person was almost drooling at the smell of his food by the time the car had rounded the corner, away from the 'fatass-infested-shithole'—as Sasuke put it. The thought had him snorting. Some of those fat-asses were good, interesting company…

"What gave you the idea that my car was a grease joint, Uzamaki?"

Naruto groaned.

"Come on, you bastard. Don't deny me this. Not now."

"You might've infested _your_ life with that crap, but it's not needed in my car, idiot."

Naruto couldn't help the extra groan that passed his lips; dealing with Sasuke's mood swings wasn't something he was wanting today. Something in his gut told him he should relish in his fried food-goodness, and damn if his stomach had ever let him down before. He supposed he'd just have to put the other down before the day turned south.

_Fucking prick-assed bastard._

"You're forgetting, teme," he began, finger raised as if in lecture, "that while I do relish too much in life's _little _luxuries—unlike some—I'm perfectly healthy."

Nodding in his victory, Naruto's attention returned to his beloved meal.

_Like hell I'll let that bastard fuck up my day._

"The last thing you 'relished' in had thighs the size of my—"

…

_Shit._

—He'd dropped the fries. In Sasuke's—_Sasuke's!_—car…

…His ass was dead.

"Now, S-Sasuke, le-l-l-let m-me-e j-ju-j-jus—"

Without warning, Sasuke stopped. Just stopped. Slammed down on the brake so heavily Naruto flew forward, and almost, _almost _dropped his milkshake, too. Luckily, in his absolute desperation to keep his life in his chest, he'd caught it, glaring as if it had betrayed him in the most immoral of ways. And when he noticed the look Sasuke was giving him, he sped to pick up the chips, stuffing them back into the packaging. But there was one…_taunting _him; sat just out of reach down the side of his chair…

"Get it."

Risking a glance in Sasuke's direction, Naruto swore his glare could freeze fire.

_Note to self; _never _fuck with Sasuke's car. Unless attempting suicide…_

Unable to get it, even with his desperate attempts, Naruto laughed nervously, scratching the back of his head. An accident or not, he wasn't stupid enough to think Sasuke would let him live over this.

_Bastard has OCD issues, afterall._

"Y-ye-yeah, I-I-I'll ge-g-ge—"

"Slow the fuck down, idiot."

And the blonde froze. Stare empty.

…Now, at moments like this, Sasuke, from personal experience, would expect Naruto to have his little fit and then go off sulking for however long. However, it seemed this time the idiot was going for a more…creative approach. It happened—though rarely—whenever Naruto decided he had something to prove. Like now, for example.

"Alright, look, where's your cup holder?" Naruto asked, shaking his milkshake in Sasuke's face, his other arm flinging up, as if to gesture at, what Sasuke knew was, the lack of any such object.

"I don't have one," Sasuke grudgingly admitted. Of course he didn't; what kind of car did the blonde idiot think Sasuke had? He wasn't lumbered down with screaming brats, and what good would some measly cup holder serve to him? What kind of useless moron brought a non-sealable drink into a car, anyway?

Naruto smirked, chuckling.

_…That kind_.

"Well, Sasuke, at least the last thing _I_ 'relished' in _had _a cup holder," he smiled. "_And _cost less than the £80,000 you paid for this fucked-up excuse of a car."

Naruto liked the car, really, but Sasuke didn't need to be filled in on that part.

"You compensating for something, Sasuke?"

The sour look on the Uchiha's face convinced Naruto the burger was _well _fucking worth it, even if said bastard would have him crouched down behind the seat to get the damn chip later. Right now, he was amused, so to hell with that, chips fall on!

"That's £100,000, you idiot; its limited edition."

After saying that, Sasuke felt a well-earned head-butt against the nearest wall was in order; if anything, rather than help himself, Sasuke had just dug the whole 'compensating' hole all the bigger—if the shit-eating grin on the idiot's face was anything to go by.

"That, bastard, ju—whoa." the blonde trailed off, dragging out the remainder of the word into a whistle.

And Sasuke couldn't be more grateful. Usually Naruto's lack of brain cells would piss him off to no end. This time, though, it'd saved his pride being dinted in one of the idiot's more brighter moments, so he supposed he could appreciate the moron's stupidity, even if only for a few seconds.

_Not forgetting his damn hormones, _he added.

Glancing between Naruto and the women strutting along the front of his car, Sasuke noticed her skirt riding up to offer a rather large portion of arse to their views. He also noticed that Naruto's view was fixed, tongue darting out to run along chapped lips.

Sasuke snorted; the idiot truly was pathetic_._

"Thighs or not, you're still picking up the chip, moron."

Shaking his head, Naruto turned to Sasuke, muttering a very intelligent "Huh?"

"The chip, moron—get the fucking chip!"

Naruto flipped, "Fine!" shoving his hand down the side of his seat. "I'll get your fucking chip!" Grumbling, he twisted in his seat, fingers grabbing for—

"Get out the car!"

Chip forgotten, Naruto flung himself 'round, cursing. "The fuck?"

"Just get the fuck out of the car!"

He'd known this day was going to be shit-filled, but this? Naruto was none-too happy. And by the looks of things, Sasuke didn't seem too impressed by their visitors, either; he was just sat there, so casually staring at the gun level with his face—it would've worried Naruto had he not have known the bastard since before diapers. Said mentioned Uchiha decided to bestow his gaze upon the owner of the weapon, then, and what he found had him frowning; thoroughly pissed. The man was white, normal height, with an aura about him that screamed 'desperate'. Sasuke hated him instantly.

And that was where Naruto decided to begin running his mouth to his own host—a fat, leather-wearing man that oozed the smell of days-old fried chicken.

"_Damn, _man, what you weighin'?" Taking in the man from so up close seemed impossible. Naruto concluded the other to be hippo' size, at most. "I bet you're one of those grease-lickin' mother-fuckers, ain't you?"

Snorting, Sasuke smirked.

Of course _that _was when the non-grease-licker chose to stick his weapon through _his_ car window and conveniently into _his_ face.

"Get out the car _now_!"

Sasuke's fingers twitched, aching to reach for the man's throat. And yes, of course Naruto noticed this, and of course Naruto didn't care—merely smirked and returned to his banter with his new buddy.

"Y'know, man, I always end up with the fat, thick-headed mother-fuckers."

The blonde grinned at the man, as if what he'd offered was some form of sacred secret and not an insult. Sasuke returned to smirking. _Birds of a feather…_

"I said—"

Pinning Sasuke with a glare, like he'd been aware of his thoughts, Naruto turned to open the car door.

"Yeah, yeah, we're movin'."

At that, Sasuke raised an eyebrow. _Are we, now?_

And yet again, as if aware of the Uchiha's thoughts, Naruto paused a second, turning to faced Sasuke and grinning in that way that made the other question his sanity. Then, raising his voice slightly to be sure their 'guests' could hear, Naruto reasoned; "Look at it this way, bastard: they probably don't even realise that right now they're robbin' a pair of cops and there's an absolute shit-storm about to come down on their asses."

Grease-Licker looked lost. And the other just snorted, obviously unbelieving.

"Besides, this is your damn fault," Naruto said, as they both exited the car. "Driving 'round in some big-assed car, all 'cause you feel you have to make up for shit."

"Shut it, moron." Sasuke pointed a glare at Naruto over the hood of his car, smirking; "Or do I need to jump over this car and smack some sense into that thick head of yours?"

Almost instantly, Naruto screamed back; "Fuck you, bastard! You can't say shit; at least I don't have a fucking tree sprouting up my ass!"

"No, dobe; you have brain damage. Twenty-four and can't make a proper sentence."

"Alright, teme, now I'ma kill your ass!"

Bringing one hand up towards Sasuke, his other reached into his jacket, bringing his pistol from its place in his holster, and jutting his elbow back into the fat man's gut, Naruto swung around, pointing his gun at Grease-Licker. Glancing over at Sasuke, he saw that he had the other in a similar position—though was being much more…_direct _with his weapon; sticking it straight onto to man's forehead.

_Typical, moody-assed bastard. _

Still, though, Naruto couldn't help but grin.

"Now, fat-ass…we be dancin'?"

- x -

**South Miami, Uchiha house, 09:03**

Sasuke had pulled into his home's driveway not an hour later, Naruto still gabbing in his ear. Though, to the dobe's credit, he _had _gotten rid of the chip…after ten minutes of cursing, swearing death, and slamming his head on various surfaces within Sasuke's car; who in their right mind would miss the opportunity to turn a few corners heavily or slam on their breaks in that position? Sasuke certainly hadn't, in any case.

Pushing the door closed, Sasuke watched as the blonde practically skipped into his house, slamming open the door and shouting through the hallways.

"Mikoto-san!"

The Uchiha followed, taking a breath or two to calm himself; he'd never very much liked Naruto's use of Japanese prefixes with his mother, even if he claimed it to be out of politeness. He obviously forgot that Sasuke had over fifteen years of insight into how his mind worked—he knew what sick things went through that moron's head, and highly doubted he used the title for such a reason.

But of course his mother was none the wiser.

"Naruto-kun!"

Said idiot ran off, sprinting ahead of Sasuke through the dining room, following the smell of freshly baked bread and bacon to meet his mother in the kitchen. When Sasuke reached them, he found Naruto wrapped around his mother, kissing her cheek. He scoffed as he took a seat at the table, glaring daggers into the idiot's back.

Seconds later, as if sensing the impending danger, Naruto took a step back, grinning.

"So how are you, Mikoto-san?"

Laughing lightly, she moved around Naruto while patting his cheek to place the (now slightly deformed from Naruto's glomping) bread she'd been holding during their greeting onto the table.

"I'm fine thank you, Naruto-kun."

Smiling, she eyed Sasuke; "How about you, Sasuke-sweets?"

Blushing somewhat, he stood to take her into his own hug.

"I'm well, Mother."

His reaction prompted Mikoto to giggle as she pinched his cheeks and kissed his forehead; seeing the blush colouring her child's face had her chest filled with nostalgia; _he's as cute as ever._

"Good to hear, sweetheart."

Naruto took a seat opposite Sasuke as Mikoto returned to readying breakfast, plating up eggs, pancakes, and bacon. A certain sniggering blonde, meanwhile, was busy reaching for the sausages already at the table—though Mikoto was having none of it and lightly slapped his creeping hand 'no' as she placed the remaining food alongside that already there.

"Manners, Naruto-kun."

"Ah, sorry, Mikoto-san," he apologised sheepishly—Sasuke shooting him a smirk for the scolding.

"You can eat all you like when Itachi's here."

Minutes later, said person entered the kitchen, dressed in a white button-down shirt, leather pants, and fluffy duck slippers. Kissing Mikoto's cheek, he took a seat next to Sasuke. "Morning, Mother."

Naruto was already stuffing.

"Nice slippers, man." The blonde commented between a mouth-full of bacon.

Coming up from behind Naruto, Mikoto tapped him on the side of his head, "_Manners, _Naruto-kun," before moving over to her eldest son, kissing his cheek in turn. "Besides, I think they're rather cute."

"Now, you boys play nicely; I'm going to take your father his pills."

Smiling, she exited the kitchen, leaving the three to themselves. Not that that was the best idea; it didn't take long for Itachi to open his mouth.

"So, little brother," he smirked, "you still haven't gotten laid, I presume?"

The younger Uchiha choked on the orange juice he'd been drinking, sputtering curses at his older brother, a renewed blush tinting his cheeks. He tried to ignore Naruto's laughing; he'd deal with that idiot later. For now he had his smug sibling to deal with.

"What the _hell, _Itachi?"

But of course the moron had to muscle himself in, leaving Sasuke and his question sat there gaping—ignored for their apparently more interesting conversation.

"Nice one, man," Naruto chuckled. "Though…" he paused, tilting his head, "when did you and your little duckys last get some?"

Itachi smirked. "Why, it was only mere hours ago, Naruto-kun." Gesturing to himself, "Leather and me together?" he grinned; "Irresistible."

The blonde laughed all the harder. "At least one of you Uchihas understand how to live," the blonde smirked, a cunning glint to his eyes as he delved into the details of certain…_activities_.

"Prude asses," was Sasuke's mumble under their continued banter—choosing to nibble on a pancake rather than listen to them comparing their latest conquests. His mother would kill them if she heard this—Itachi especially knew this, which had Sasuke further marvelled at their stupidity and sliding further down in his chair; he was the innocent in this, so he needn't worry; he'd enjoy the consequences when they knocked themselves on the other two's heads. Namely in the form of a frying pan. Sasuke chuckled at the image.

His mother's voice drifted from the living-room, then, barely a shout; "Naruto-kun, Tsunade-sama's on the phone, asking for you."

Said person had a look of absolute dread sweep over his features, and he ran to the phone, taking the object from Mikoto with a polite 'thank you' and smile. He waited until the woman had made her exit into the kitchen; this was something she wouldn't want or _need _to hear. Hell, he didn't, either, and he was used to the old hag's moods.

"…Yeah, Baa-chan?"

Instantly there was a rather too-loud screech coming through the line; "What in God's name are you fucking playing at, brat?!" And before Naruto could even get in an answer, she screamed further and slammed down the phone; "Get your and the Uchiha's ass down at the station! Now!"

With the buzzing in his ear signalling the end of the call, Naruto carefully placed down the phone as it could shatter and he took a second to breathe, less he lose his head… Which lasted all of two seconds before he was sprinting full-out into the kitchen, arms flailing like a mad man about to meet him death. Though he supposed it was true enough under these circumstances.

"We need to move our asses. Like, yesterday! Baa-chan's gunner skin our hides if we're not at the station soon, and I mean _real _soon."

Sasuke didn't even move, still occupied by his pancake.

"This is serious, teme! She sounded sober. _Sober!_"

Sasuke _did _move then—all but jumped out his chair and nearly fell over the thing in the process as he followed Naruto into the hallway. In their hurry, though, both paused for a second before they ran back into the kitchen just as quickly—Sasuke to kiss his mother goodbye on the cheek and mutter a quick 'thanks for breakfast', and Naruto for more bacon. Mikoto chuckled at their antics and offered them both a wave goodbye, placing a tub of bacon into Naruto's hands as she shooed them out, the front door crashing shut behind them.

And silence setting in, she turned to her eldest son, a smile that held secrets pulled onto her face.

"…So…what's the update on Sasuke?"


	2. Where's the Dope

**Author's Notes:** Still looking for a beta; I do go back through my work, but there's still things I don't pick up. Having someone else look at my work and judge it would work better, I feel. Also, chapter one is scheduled for a re-write, I think; I'm not happy with it. So we'll see about that.

**Warnings:** Miner mature content. Over abuse of swearing. Slow updates.

**Disclaimer:** Yes, I own Naruto. That's why I'm here writing FANFICTION, rather than putting my creative genius to better use. Don't own Bad Boys, either.

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><p>Bad Boys: Chapter 2<p>

**South Miami, MPD (Miami Police Department), 8:37**

It hadn't taken long for the pair to get down to the station, not with Naruto driving (much to Sasuke's joy) and the prospect of a sober Tsunade hanging over their heads; the women was scary and violent enough when intoxicated, but without it? Let's just say Naruto would rather be in a gunfight _without _a firearm_. _Life was much likely to keep his company longer that way, he was sure.

_Besides, _he chuckled, _that's happened plenty of times._

Pulling up in front of the building, Naruto all but kicked through the breaks, sliding the car into a rather impressive parallel-park—if Naruto was the judge on the matter.

But of course he wasn't.

"What the fuck are you playing at?! I swear, Uzamaki, if I find _one _scratch on my car, yo—"

But Naruto was already diving out the car, throwing Sasuke the keys, and running through the building's front doors. Sasuke supposed he had the right idea; Tsunade was a large woman, with a sadistic streak to match even his brother's. Shivering at the thought, he followed the blonde's example—clicking the car's locks before all but running to the entrance. Because an Uchiha doesn't run when faced with danger. No. This Uchiha was merely walking at a rather…_brisk _pace.

"Sasuke, hurry the fuck up; she'll skin us!" Naruto called, already having crossed the lobby—deciding to wave his arms dramatically, flinging them about his person and almost hitting someone in the process. And Sasuke would've smirked—had he not been worried for his own life, too.

Darting through the halls, the pair got half way to the offices before they were cornered; an arm appearing suddenly to grab onto Naruto's ear and yank him through the nearest door. The owner of said hand was a few inches shorter than Naruto's own six foot three inches, stocked with plenty of breast, a blonde head of hair, doe brown eyes, and a scowl so Uchiha-like Sasuke felt he should sue. Not that he would; she'd crush him alive.

Sasuke followed after them somewhat dumbly.

"Now that you're here, brats, how about we play a game? Spot the difference should do nicely."

Guiding them through another set of double doors, Tsunade ignored Naruto's pleas, and instead opted to direct their gazes towards an empty cell. The blonde's struggles stopped instantly.

"Holy shit!"

Sasuke agreed.

"How di—that was our career bust! I—we—were goin' places with that shit!"

"You think I don't know that!?" She sounded somewhat mournful, fists clenching and lips releasing a good number of creative curses.

Minutes of this were followed with her releasing Naruto's ear, snorting, and pacing through the room with Sasuke and Naruto following stiffly at her heels; still cautious of the woman's mood.

"One-hundred million dollars worth or heroin. Gone. In the space of ten minutes!" she growled. "They were good—organised; used the ventilation and left us nothing."

Sasuke piped up then; "What about the night guard? Wouldn't he—"

"Dead," Came the interruption. "Poisoned. Autopsy are looking into it, but for now we have nothing; Neji and Shikamaru are looking into who designed the ventilation, so until then I need you two brats to do what you can. And damn quickly. The press will undoubtedly turn into rats over this."

Stopping, she took a minute to grumble further to herself (about needing a drink, no doubt). Sasuke and Naruto were just grateful to still be breathing; more often than not at least one of them was left with a hospital-worthy injury when faced with Tsunade without alcohol's influence. Though that happened plenty a time when there _was _alcohol involved… Perhaps it was just that some other poor soul had already fallen victim.

"Well?" she screeched. "Why are you two still in my building?"

Not even a second later, Tsunade was smirking at their retreating backs; psychological beatings were just as fun as the physical, it seems.

- x -

"What idiot makes ventilation like that? Even Chouji could've got through there!"

Now back in the safety of Sasuke's car, Naruto was taking time to rub his sore ear and curse the woman; Tsunade didn't understand restraint, obviously, and addressing her like he usually would would've no doubt got the poor thing ripped from his head. And Naruto was very attached to his ears.

"Damn old hag…"

Sasuke, meanwhile, was taking the time to freely express his amusement at the blonde's situation.

"Who knows…? And Karma kills, huh Uzamaki?"

The two were still bickering even as Sasuke pulled out from the station.

- x -

**South Miami, Universal Tires, 10:22**

"So you know nothing?"

Sasuke had never much liked this mutt. Hell, he'd been against coming here in the first place; it was run down and smelt like filth. But, naturally, Naruto knew best, so now Sasuke was out here having to deal with this scruffed up dog—brown unruly hair, oil-stained clothes, and facial tattoos all screamed one thing to Sasuke: tramp.

"Naw, ma—"

"You better not be lying, mutt." Sasuke's black orbs leaked fury.

The addressed gulped, shaking his head. "I swear, man, I'm off that shit; 'sall about rubber now." A sickeningly fake smile played onto his features.

"I mean, would I lie to you, man?" the 'mutt' questioned Naruto.

"If you were suicidal, then yeah; Sasuke's a real mood-arse, see?" The blonde grinned, almost dragging Sasuke back to the car. "Be seeing you real soon, Kiba!"

Again, the addressed gulped.

- x -

**South Miami, Boxing Weights, 12:07**

Now, Sasuke understood that Naruto was an idiot; had been since elementary school, but Sasuke had also (for whatever reason) given him enough credit to know he didn't approve of his little 'habits'. And choosing to get one of those little 'habits' involved in a one-hundred million dollar case? Yes, Sasuke hadn't thought the moron _that _stupid. Obviously, though, that wasn't that case.

"Ino!"

Said person leapt at Naruto, thumping him over the head. She wore a shirt cutting of midway to her hips and the shortest pair of exercise shorts Sasuke was sure to ever be available. Her hair, like his partner's, was blonde—though noticeably lighter, as was the case with her blue eyes. Anyone would've thought them related at first glance. Not that they were—oh, Sasuke hoped that they weren't, because that would mean Naruto had sunk to a whole new low.

"Where've you been, huh?"

A low Sasuke didn't want to even contemplate.

Chuckling nervously, Naruto eyed his fellow blonde—from the pout of her lips to the rather shapely globes of her a—

Sasuke clipped him upside the head. "I hope you've not dragged me all the way out here just so you could get your next fix." The statement was reinforced with a rather high-grade glare; this place was just as classy as the other; smelling of sweat and filled with brick-built idiots. _Not _a place Sasuke envisioned spending his Monday morning.

Ino's sniggering stopped Naruto retorting, helping him remember why he was here in the first place.

"Can we talk, Ino?"

She shrugged, gave a quick reply of "Sure," and the pair moved into the back room of the gym. Sasuke swore if it took more than five minutes he'd go back there and kick the blonde in just the right place so he'd never be indulging again. Perhaps he should, anyway; the idiot had already gotten away with enough crap today.

Smirking at his thoughts, Sasuke decided a quick look around the place couldn't hurt…

- x -

"So, what can I do for you?"

_Fucking innuendoes, _was Naruto's thought as he leaned back against the room's small desk. Ino stood across from him, towelling her forehead.

"Just a small favour; there are a lot of people you can talk to that I can't."

Ino's blank look has him paling; had he phrased that wrong? She was on equal levels of terrifying as Tsunade when she tried, and Naruto felt he'd had enough of a battering for today. So when she smiled, he almost melted to the floor in thanks.

"Customers, you mean?"

He nodded; "I'm not asking you to get into any shit; there's gunner be a lot of drugs involved…just let me know if you hear about anything new?"

Smirking, she slid up to him, mouth aimed at his neck as she pressed herself against his chest. The hitch in his breath when she rubbed against him had her humming; "I suppose…" Her tongue trailed up to his ear lobe. "I'll think about it." And Naruto would've grabbed some of his own flesh, had angry shouts from behind the door not reminded his just _where _he was.

Ino merely chuckled at his curses, pushing him out the room and slamming the door; "I'll take an IOU, Uzamaki."

- x -

**South Miami, 14:36**

Sasuke didn't quite see where the animosity was coming from.

"You know, Uchiha, you're like a giant, fuck-blocking magnet!"

Afterall, the blonde could still have children, which was something half an hour ago Sasuke wasn't going to allow. In all rights, the idiot should be grateful.

"We're not all physically un-fucking-feeling!"

But of course he wasn't.

Leaving the car, Sasuke frowned, heading up the stairs to the mansion's front entrance; an hour ago they'd received a call from Hinata, Tsunade's secretary (which both of them beyond thankful for; neither wanting to have to explain how they still had nothing new to give), informing them that said woman wanted them to pay Danzo Shimura, the designer of the ventilation system, a little visit. The man lived in the 'highest' part of town, and made even Sasuke's 'house' look poor—in Naruto's humble opinion.

Eventually the blonde followed, still grumbling about his failed lay. Sasuke just snorted at the idiotic behaviour, beyond the point of caring. If he ever did.

"We aren't all horn-balls, either."

The pair knocked on the oversized door—Naruto taking it upon himself to nose through the windows when no-one came within the first five seconds; idiot had no patience. But then, neither did Sasuke—and smirking, he gave a harsh twist to the handle. Naruto's almost face-plant with the floor had Sasuke's mood spiking. Karma truly did love him.

Naruto merely picked himself up and glared at Sasuke's back as he followed him into the house.

_I'm so over today's shit._

"Anyone home?" Sasuke called—though no answer was forthcoming, and Naruto decided to put in his own greeting; "We're your new neighbours!"

A sudden stench sent them skittering back, however.

"Oh, for—" Maybe he wasn't so over it. "Why the _fuck _do we always get the dead bodies!?"

The pair took out their pistols, steadily heading further into the house. Sasuke wasn't too surprised with the outcome, in all honesty; they'd never had the best of luck, especially with the body counts. He nodded over in Naruto's direction, and the blonde took into the next room, gun raised. Sasuke followed in seconds later and the smell he walked into had his eyes watering.

"Damn, that dude—" Naruto wretched. "It's jus—"

Black eyes glittered with amusement; the blonde's discomfort around the dead had always been intriguing; he never had any problem creating them.

Snorting to himself, Sasuke re-holstered his pistol as he neared the body of their original goal; Danzo Shimura. The man was old—in his sixties at least—and bandages covered quite the majority of his head and right arm. Obviously he was way out of his prime.

"So he sells the ventilation plans, gets his money, and then they decide to tie off the loose end."

Naruto nodded his agreement, still gagging.

_There's fucking maggots. Maggots!_

And Naruto was _not _a fan of maggots. Or three-day old corpses. _Definitely _not three-day old corpses; they smelt like shit _and _they were filled with maggots. And flies. And the smell—the dried blood. Really, it just made his stomach—

—he gagged again.

"Right…" Naruto took a step back, hand covering his mouth. "I'ma go call Homicide."

Sasuke, meanwhile, had no such qualms, and approached the blood-coated body with no caution; really, what could a dead man do? He looked through clothing pockets and papers scattered over the desk, all the while smirking inwardly of the blonde's misfortune. However, other than a small, black book, nothing of interest came up.

"Hmm," he mused, flipping through the pages. "Seems he had a nice gambling debt built up…"

Something Sasuke knew Naruto cared very little for.

"Why do you get like this every time we're around a dead body?"

Not that Sasuke didn't already know why—he just enjoyed mentally screwing with the blonde, a past-time that proved endlessly amusing, from even their first years of school. The idiot just never got any smarter. Honestly, it was somewhat pathetic when you looked at the whole picture.

"Ju—the fumes, and th—" Sasuke swore the other's skin turned a non-too-healthy shade of green, then.

"I—it's just unexpected, that's all."

Done with the Uchiha's torment, Naruto left the room, sprinting through the house and emptying his stomach into the bushes outlining the entrance. A good thing he was, because if he hadn't been the bastard would've been missing a limb or two for his oh so clever 'question'.

"How about we go and get some of those fries you love so much?"

_Smug-faced prick._

Sasuke smirked; "Or we could go back and talk to your new, maggot-infested friend?"

And with that, Naruto was again bent over the rose-decorated foliage.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes:<strong> Chapter three will come...I don't know when. Soon, I hope, because I'm not allowing myself to post more work until my current three are dealt with.


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